I dropped Michael off to the airport about an hour ago and now I’m home alone, feeling kinda sad. And no, I’m not sad because he’ll be gone for the weekend. I’ll sure miss him like I already do, but that’s not the reason. During the drive there, he mentioned a Breaking Bad episode he watched today where two planes crashed together and then said, “knock on wood.” And I told him that I don’t even know what I would do if that happened and I’d probably be the last person to find out. And then I just kept thinking, “I wish I could just tell him I love him before he goes on his flight, just in case something does happen.” But it would be too awkward and embarrassing if I were to say it. I just really wish I could. I’m okay with him wanting to move slow, but damn, it sucks when you can’t tell someone that you love them. I always have to be strong for myself and I always have to make sacrifices and compromises at my expense, and this is what I choose to do. But why do I feel so wrong and greedy when I just want a little love and a little sign of commitment? I want to be with him, but I fear that none of this will be worth it in the end because he’ll never commit until he’s established himself. I thought I was okay with this whole “living in the moment” type of thing, but who am I kidding? I’m someone who is always thinking ahead and is not afraid of commitment when I see fit. I don’t want to scare him away, and yet I feel like he might scare me away first. I don’t know if I can handle another full year passing by without him giving me some reassurance that he sees a future with me. Is that too much to ask? I feel pathetic.