Tagged
reflection


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I’m feeling low on hugs. I need more daily hugs! This must be a sign that I’m losing connections with people on campus. This being my last quarter here, I need to make a conscious effort to meet up with the people I haven’t seen on campus in a while. I may never see them again after I’m done with my classes! If there’s one important thing I’ve learned while at UCSD, it’s that maintaining close bonds and finding identity are crucial factors in overall motivation for success. Now to shut up and keep to my word…

03:33 pm, BY lisaplvu[2 notes]

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As each day passes, I realize more and more that I am excellent at being dissatisfied. I’ve been finding it easy to feel lonely at the end of the night. I’m laying here thinking that there’s not one person in this world who knows me like I crave for someone to know me (if that makes sense). I want someone around who just makes me want to share all of my thoughts effortlessly without worrying if I’ll sound stupid or uninteresting. I want someone who, at the end of the day, will rock me to sleep in my thoughts as they run their fingertips across every surface of my brain, eager to understand every last bit. Does anyone really have that person? If they do, I’d consider them quite lucky.

01:30 am, BY lisaplvu[2 notes]

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I started procrastinating on Tumblr (of course) and decided to flip back to some of my older posts. Everything I read from exactly a year ago is everything that I’ve been thinking now. I’ve definitely relapsed and this time I can’t blame it on the birth control. Maybe it’s the weather? I don’t know. Life is so complicated.

10:01 pm, BY lisaplvu[1 note]

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True friends are the ones who don’t keep tabs on each other of who tries to keep in touch more. True friends are the ones who don’t need to talk everyday, every week, or even every month, but know that the other one is thinking about them all the time. True friends are the ones who can easily pick up where they left off no matter how much time has passed. True friends are the ones who always know the right things to say. True friends love each other like family. True friends understand how busy life can be. True friends appreciate each other. True friends know the meaning of brutal honesty in the best regard. True friends can never be replaced. True friends are a rarity, so when you find one, make sure they know it.

10:47 pm, BY lisaplvu[3 notes]

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Michael wrote me a card while he was in Vietnam and it honestly made me incredibly happy that he took the time to sit down and write a heartfelt letter like that. He wrote that when he saw the card at a street vendor, he immediately thought of me because it was simple on the outside, yet beautiful on the inside. The card is red with a very simplified outline of a ferris wheel in white and when the card is opened up, a colorful ferris wheel pops up from the page and reveals the most delicate pieces strung together into a 3D masterpiece. I just love it! I love that of all the different ways he could understand me and think of me, this is how he does. You can’t let go of a man who knows how to appreciate everything that you have to offer, whether you have a lot or a little.

11:37 am, BY lisaplvu[2 notes]

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Hello, it’s been a long while since I’ve posted here. I haven’t really had much to say for the past few months that seem worthy of documentation. Nevertheless, this past year has been a grueling year of change. It’s been a year of utter desolation, a year of lost friendships, and a year of releasing my prior ambitions. It’s been rough. In fact, I’ve had countless wake-up calls this year and all the time to reflect on them. But despite every harrowing experience, I’ve left them all to the past. I luckily overcame my depression. I fought my way back into school and found a major where I can continue to flourish. I went on my first cruise and traveled to a place I’ve never been. I realized who my true friends are. I’ve developed this mentality of keeping all of my doors and windows open to any possibilities that my future holds. I have changed this year. Some may say it was for the worst and others may say for the best. But either way they see it, at least I’ve adapted to my own life. I know that this next year is not going to be any easier. There are so many things to achieve in so little time, but I’m ready. This is the time to be brighter and better, to prove to myself that I’ve made the right choices. I have the next twelve months to prove that I’m worth it. Here we go…

Hello, it’s been a long while since I’ve posted here. I haven’t really had much to say for the past few months that seem worthy of documentation. Nevertheless, this past year has been a grueling year of change. It’s been a year of utter desolation, a year of lost friendships, and a year of releasing my prior ambitions. It’s been rough. In fact, I’ve had countless wake-up calls this year and all the time to reflect on them. But despite every harrowing experience, I’ve left them all to the past. I luckily overcame my depression. I fought my way back into school and found a major where I can continue to flourish. I went on my first cruise and traveled to a place I’ve never been. I realized who my true friends are. I’ve developed this mentality of keeping all of my doors and windows open to any possibilities that my future holds. I have changed this year. Some may say it was for the worst and others may say for the best. But either way they see it, at least I’ve adapted to my own life. I know that this next year is not going to be any easier. There are so many things to achieve in so little time, but I’m ready. This is the time to be brighter and better, to prove to myself that I’ve made the right choices. I have the next twelve months to prove that I’m worth it. Here we go…

11:49 pm, BY lisaplvu[6 notes]

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It’s Saturday night and all I want to do right now is apply to jobs and research schooling options. I feel so motivated! I feel like myself again! I can’t even begin to conjure up the words to explain what it’s like to lose yourself to something unknown. Well, I think I found what that something was. I was on a certain birth control for the past seven months and this period of time was pretty much when everything seemed uncontrollable. I had no idea that the birth control was even a factor, so I was basically fighting a battle against the wrong nemesis. All this time, I thought it was myself. But luckily, this idea sparked in my mind and I decided to take myself off that birth control in hope that it could’ve been the cause. A month and a half later, I’m feeling, not good as new, but good as old… and I couldn’t be happier. I feel in control. I feel aware. I feel strong. I feel driven. I feel present.

The moral of this story is: avoid hormonal birth control. AND don’t give up. There’s always a solution that you may not notice immediately.

09:59 pm, BY lisaplvu

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"Nothing haunts us more than the things we don’t say."
I don’t think I’ve ever posted a photo of my tattoo on here before, but I think about it all the time and how it so closely relates to my life. Although I’m a very open person, I hold more words in than you’d expect. And as of lately, these words have been haunting me to the point of taking over my mind, my heart, my confidence, and my well-being. Some day soon, I will release everything that’s been bottled up. Somehow.

"Nothing haunts us more than the things we don’t say."

I don’t think I’ve ever posted a photo of my tattoo on here before, but I think about it all the time and how it so closely relates to my life. Although I’m a very open person, I hold more words in than you’d expect. And as of lately, these words have been haunting me to the point of taking over my mind, my heart, my confidence, and my well-being. Some day soon, I will release everything that’s been bottled up. Somehow.

10:41 am, BY lisaplvu[3 notes]

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I’m going with my gut. No more questioning myself, no more doubts. I feel it and I can’t deny it anymore. I just hope I’m not the only one.

01:22 pm, BY lisaplvu[1 note]

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I could have gone to a party tonight. I wanted to go to the party tonight. But I stayed home because I have work early morning. I didn’t want to be bored at home, though, so I asked Raf to get boba with me. We ended up talking for a long time and now my night is just about over. I honestly wouldn’t have traded this peaceful night with a close friend for that party with a bunch of inebriated strangers. That’s just not me. Sometimes that’s fun, but THIS is me. I enjoy expanding my brain, not letting it disintegrate.

12:08 am, BY lisaplvu[2 notes]

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Oh man, reading this felt better than reading my first acceptance letter into UCSD. Not many people knew I was struggling this much, but this was definitely a significant learning experience for me. I realized, through this process, exactly how important school is to me. Like I’ve written before, I’ve learned never to give up on the struggle. I was forced to drop the class I’ve been waiting to take since last year, but it’s okay. Everything happens at certain times for a reason and maybe I’m just not ready for that yet.
I am so relieved.

Oh man, reading this felt better than reading my first acceptance letter into UCSD. Not many people knew I was struggling this much, but this was definitely a significant learning experience for me. I realized, through this process, exactly how important school is to me. Like I’ve written before, I’ve learned never to give up on the struggle. I was forced to drop the class I’ve been waiting to take since last year, but it’s okay. Everything happens at certain times for a reason and maybe I’m just not ready for that yet.

I am so relieved.

09:38 pm, BY lisaplvu[1 note]

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"Nothing haunts us more than the things we don’t say."

This couldn’t be more relevant to my life than it is right now. There are just so many thoughts bottled up in my mind because, if said out loud, these thoughts that would alter my life in a way that I’d rather not bear. I’m tired of doing this to myself but I would rather do this than worsen the situation. I feel foolish for letting my mind run marathons about something like this, but the endorphins have kicked in and it’s simply unstoppable. It’s a race to see which part of me prevails: the part that wants to speak up or the part that doesn’t want to change. I bought a new journal today so that I can see my thoughts more than just projecting them in my mind. It’s probably annoying to have to read these on my blog and not know what I’m talking about. I just think I’m going through something that can’t be explained with words. You’d have to feel what my heart is feeling. It’s not a joy ride, what it’s doing to me.

10:29 pm, BY lisaplvu