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reflection


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True friends are the ones who don’t keep tabs on each other of who tries to keep in touch more. True friends are the ones who don’t need to talk everyday, every week, or even every month, but know that the other one is thinking about them all the time. True friends are the ones who can easily pick up where they left off no matter how much time has passed. True friends are the ones who always know the right things to say. True friends love each other like family. True friends understand how busy life can be. True friends appreciate each other. True friends know the meaning of brutal honesty in the best regard. True friends can never be replaced. True friends are a rarity, so when you find one, make sure they know it.

10:47 pm, BY lisaplvu[3 notes]

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Michael wrote me a card while he was in Vietnam and it honestly made me incredibly happy that he took the time to sit down and write a heartfelt letter like that. He wrote that when he saw the card at a street vendor, he immediately thought of me because it was simple on the outside, yet beautiful on the inside. The card is red with a very simplified outline of a ferris wheel in white and when the card is opened up, a colorful ferris wheel pops up from the page and reveals the most delicate pieces strung together into a 3D masterpiece. I just love it! I love that of all the different ways he could understand me and think of me, this is how he does. You can’t let go of a man who knows how to appreciate everything that you have to offer, whether you have a lot or a little.

11:37 am, BY lisaplvu[2 notes]

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Hello, it’s been a long while since I’ve posted here. I haven’t really had much to say for the past few months that seem worthy of documentation. Nevertheless, this past year has been a grueling year of change. It’s been a year of utter desolation, a year of lost friendships, and a year of releasing my prior ambitions. It’s been rough. In fact, I’ve had countless wake-up calls this year and all the time to reflect on them. But despite every harrowing experience, I’ve left them all to the past. I luckily overcame my depression. I fought my way back into school and found a major where I can continue to flourish. I went on my first cruise and traveled to a place I’ve never been. I realized who my true friends are. I’ve developed this mentality of keeping all of my doors and windows open to any possibilities that my future holds. I have changed this year. Some may say it was for the worst and others may say for the best. But either way they see it, at least I’ve adapted to my own life. I know that this next year is not going to be any easier. There are so many things to achieve in so little time, but I’m ready. This is the time to be brighter and better, to prove to myself that I’ve made the right choices. I have the next twelve months to prove that I’m worth it. Here we go…

Hello, it’s been a long while since I’ve posted here. I haven’t really had much to say for the past few months that seem worthy of documentation. Nevertheless, this past year has been a grueling year of change. It’s been a year of utter desolation, a year of lost friendships, and a year of releasing my prior ambitions. It’s been rough. In fact, I’ve had countless wake-up calls this year and all the time to reflect on them. But despite every harrowing experience, I’ve left them all to the past. I luckily overcame my depression. I fought my way back into school and found a major where I can continue to flourish. I went on my first cruise and traveled to a place I’ve never been. I realized who my true friends are. I’ve developed this mentality of keeping all of my doors and windows open to any possibilities that my future holds. I have changed this year. Some may say it was for the worst and others may say for the best. But either way they see it, at least I’ve adapted to my own life. I know that this next year is not going to be any easier. There are so many things to achieve in so little time, but I’m ready. This is the time to be brighter and better, to prove to myself that I’ve made the right choices. I have the next twelve months to prove that I’m worth it. Here we go…

11:49 pm, BY lisaplvu[6 notes]

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It’s Saturday night and all I want to do right now is apply to jobs and research schooling options. I feel so motivated! I feel like myself again! I can’t even begin to conjure up the words to explain what it’s like to lose yourself to something unknown. Well, I think I found what that something was. I was on a certain birth control for the past seven months and this period of time was pretty much when everything seemed uncontrollable. I had no idea that the birth control was even a factor, so I was basically fighting a battle against the wrong nemesis. All this time, I thought it was myself. But luckily, this idea sparked in my mind and I decided to take myself off that birth control in hope that it could’ve been the cause. A month and a half later, I’m feeling, not good as new, but good as old… and I couldn’t be happier. I feel in control. I feel aware. I feel strong. I feel driven. I feel present.

The moral of this story is: avoid hormonal birth control. AND don’t give up. There’s always a solution that you may not notice immediately.

09:59 pm, BY lisaplvu

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"Nothing haunts us more than the things we don’t say."
I don’t think I’ve ever posted a photo of my tattoo on here before, but I think about it all the time and how it so closely relates to my life. Although I’m a very open person, I hold more words in than you’d expect. And as of lately, these words have been haunting me to the point of taking over my mind, my heart, my confidence, and my well-being. Some day soon, I will release everything that’s been bottled up. Somehow.

"Nothing haunts us more than the things we don’t say."

I don’t think I’ve ever posted a photo of my tattoo on here before, but I think about it all the time and how it so closely relates to my life. Although I’m a very open person, I hold more words in than you’d expect. And as of lately, these words have been haunting me to the point of taking over my mind, my heart, my confidence, and my well-being. Some day soon, I will release everything that’s been bottled up. Somehow.

10:41 am, BY lisaplvu[3 notes]

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I’m going with my gut. No more questioning myself, no more doubts. I feel it and I can’t deny it anymore. I just hope I’m not the only one.

01:22 pm, BY lisaplvu[1 note]

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I could have gone to a party tonight. I wanted to go to the party tonight. But I stayed home because I have work early morning. I didn’t want to be bored at home, though, so I asked Raf to get boba with me. We ended up talking for a long time and now my night is just about over. I honestly wouldn’t have traded this peaceful night with a close friend for that party with a bunch of inebriated strangers. That’s just not me. Sometimes that’s fun, but THIS is me. I enjoy expanding my brain, not letting it disintegrate.

12:08 am, BY lisaplvu[2 notes]

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Oh man, reading this felt better than reading my first acceptance letter into UCSD. Not many people knew I was struggling this much, but this was definitely a significant learning experience for me. I realized, through this process, exactly how important school is to me. Like I’ve written before, I’ve learned never to give up on the struggle. I was forced to drop the class I’ve been waiting to take since last year, but it’s okay. Everything happens at certain times for a reason and maybe I’m just not ready for that yet.
I am so relieved.

Oh man, reading this felt better than reading my first acceptance letter into UCSD. Not many people knew I was struggling this much, but this was definitely a significant learning experience for me. I realized, through this process, exactly how important school is to me. Like I’ve written before, I’ve learned never to give up on the struggle. I was forced to drop the class I’ve been waiting to take since last year, but it’s okay. Everything happens at certain times for a reason and maybe I’m just not ready for that yet.

I am so relieved.

09:38 pm, BY lisaplvu[1 note]

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"Nothing haunts us more than the things we don’t say."

This couldn’t be more relevant to my life than it is right now. There are just so many thoughts bottled up in my mind because, if said out loud, these thoughts that would alter my life in a way that I’d rather not bear. I’m tired of doing this to myself but I would rather do this than worsen the situation. I feel foolish for letting my mind run marathons about something like this, but the endorphins have kicked in and it’s simply unstoppable. It’s a race to see which part of me prevails: the part that wants to speak up or the part that doesn’t want to change. I bought a new journal today so that I can see my thoughts more than just projecting them in my mind. It’s probably annoying to have to read these on my blog and not know what I’m talking about. I just think I’m going through something that can’t be explained with words. You’d have to feel what my heart is feeling. It’s not a joy ride, what it’s doing to me.

10:29 pm, BY lisaplvu

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So I don’t usually post about my personal life in detail anymore, but I figure it’s about time my blog gets a taste of myself again. I’m pretty much going to ramble, as usual, because well… I haven’t had much of a writer’s flow lately. I lost it somewhere in all the multiple choice exams and calculus problems, I guess. Let me just begin by saying that my life is always nowhere near perfect. I have never had every aspect of my life on the positive side of the spectrum all at once, let alone multiple aspects. Probably the only part of my life that genuinely keeps me happy are the company I keep and the company that keeps me. My family has always been broken, but my friends honestly keep me sane, despite the dramas that we’ve had in the past. And don’t even get me started on me having the most perfect boyfriend ever. I realized tonight that it is pretty much impossible to one-up him on anything, especially surprises. He took me to Bali Hai on Shelter Island tonight, where they had a Restaurant Week deal. It was so fancy and romantic! I would typically hate this type of gesture if a guy was trying to win me over, but this guy has already won me over long ago, so it’s completely acceptable haha. During dinner, he quoted, “It’s better to be poor and alone than to be rich and not have anyone to spend your money with.” So he said that he’s not poor and is happy to have me to enjoy it with. It’s the little things he does and says to me that make me so smitten. I don’t know if I’m in love quite yet, but he definitely has a place in my heart. I can’t wait to see where my life goes within the next few months. Anyway, I must rest before my early shift in the morning. ‘Til next time (probably a long time)!

11:35 pm, BY lisaplvu[3 notes]

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So I’ve allowed myself to take a step forward and commit to someone who I enjoy spending time with everyday, someone who is always challenging me to try new things and improve myself, someone who has accepted every part of me (weirdness, stubbornness, insecurities, and all), someone who shares the same values as mine, someone who shows me more reasons everyday for why I’m worth it and he’s worth it, someone who makes me laugh, someone who opens my eyes to who I’ve become and who I want to be. We both don’t know where this will go, but we decided it’s time to find out. Feels kind of weird to be in a relationship again, to be honest haha I’ll get over that, though, because I’m happy (:

03:29 pm, BY lisaplvu[7 notes]

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You are a plant. Your surroundings make up your pot. The bigger the pot, the more opportunities you have to expand your mind. The smaller the pot, the more hindered you will be in growing into something beautiful. Don’t hinder yourself. Explore, learn, travel, meet people. The world is your pot so live in it, grow in it.

01:20 pm, BY lisaplvu[5 notes]